same place as these children. Critique, dear John, You have constructed a very strong narrative that employs illustrative details and vivid imagery. Has your commitment to swimming become stronger as a result of this realization? You chose a topicsports achievementthat is innately difficult to handle because it is so common. The second-to-last paragraph, in which you write about your grandparents, is a promising segue into a constructive conclusion, but you need to avoid veering into abstraction. Instead, you should explain why such determination is useful outside of the pool (especially in the academic realm, if you can). Eminent means very important; the word that denotes in the near future or will happen soon is imminent. Jennifer J, a 14-year old swimmer at Crawfish Aquatics in Louisiana, wanted to enter a local writing contest, and she could think of no better topic than the sport that she lives and loves. On the other hand, the weakest point in your essayyour treatment of how swimming relates to other aspects of your lifeis also directly related to your choice of topic. While I have taught them vital survival skills, they have taught me to be patient and forgiving, even when they got water up my nose. I am aware that making finals will not be easy from hereat this level, success is measured by mere tenths of a second.
Like many other boys, I love to swim. Since the age o f five, I have spent many summer days in the ymca pool. When I was.
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Here are a few specific comments on the individual paragraphs of your essay: Paragraph 3, yet, from the perspective of someone who has yet to ascend to the apex of the sport, questions create an extra burden. Every true swimmer has the will to work hard and get better every single day. Many of these changes might seem subtle, but they make an enormous difference in the rhythm of your writing. This type of environment has helped me to reach my full potential while helping others reach theirs. When you are swimming a long set and feel like you are going to drown, this is where the champions are made. Sometimes even the act of showing up at a workout when your body and psyche are worn out separates a great result from a failure. I worked for seven hours a day for two months, getting splashed and pulled in five different directions at once by wailing children. I know that, by consistently working towards my goalshowever small they may seemI can accomplish what I set for myself, both in and beyond the swimming pool. I furthered my achievements by winning Top 16 awards for various age groups, setting club records, and being named National First Team All-American in the 100-Butterfly and Second Team All-American in the 200-Medley.
If you had to explain why you love swimming to someone who had neve r swum, what would you say? Giving up my weekend nights for swim practice was something I was used.
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